Chapter 10--Oooo.... Awkward

While Markofvious rallied the zimmerite troops and prepared for his FASHION ZERO POINT OF THE HOLOCAUST. Ricarday was leading the russians in their long cold march towards the Zimmerites lands. Markofvius, needing more time, used what remained of Rajega's testosterone to summon two succubitic harpies from same town as lord Hite. They were know only as the Face girls, for it was said to look into their faces was to see NATO itself in all its consultation ridden glory. However, in private, and for the purposes of this tale, they called each other pretty miss fellaton and Fen-phen (the author of these tales would like to take a minute here to insert that this name was previously copyrighted by Pfizer, and any usage here is completely accidental for more on Fen-phen see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fen-phen). Using an old pickle he found in a jar, Markovious commanded the harpies to go to the gates that were the entrance to Zimmerite lands and bar the invading Russians from entering. The harpies, unable to resist the delicious pickle, promtly gobbled it whole and hobbled harpily off to fend off the Russians.

Once at the gates, the harpies settled in and used their magic to spin deadly traps for the Russians. From afar, Ricarday and his advisor Dominatrix Beierryan spied these traps, however, seeing no way around decided to send their most attractive and lithe general in, to see if he could fight his way through and allow the russians to enter into the Zimmerite's fertile cresent (*wink wink*). This general's name was flake blohnson (no caps intentionally pretentious). Flake blohnson was a man about which much can be said, however, not much will be. Suffice to say that looking into his eyes was like the first time you ever heard the Beatles, also if ever in need of a sail, flake was as good, if not better, than any you could buy in the store.

With a cheery smile and a “jolly-gee whilikers”, flake rushed off towards the gates. He treded carefully so as to avoid the majority of the traps. However, he was caught in one trap. The trap was a devious one know only as “the nicotine spleen,” in it flake had to crush all of his tobacco products and pass a physical to move on. He failed miserably but was able to seduce the spirits in the trap and move on, through sexiness alone. Sadly this is how much of his life had been.

He finally reached the gates themselves and saw the harpies perched on top munching joyously on a pickle they had discovered only moments earlier. When they spotted flake they gasped in suprise and sprung their final trap: the riddle of the Face girls.

The riddle was as follows: Why did the chicken cross the road?

To which flake responded: fuck the child in whose name we're collectively terrorized

Then the harpies heads exploded with a noise that sounded like “Cuomo!!!!,” and the Russian invasion was on.